INTIMACY VS. ISOLATION

It seems to me that as the internet keep on making the world small, the trend nowadays is whether you are inlove or in the process of being there. People keep talking of love for all I care. As if its the most understandable thing in the universe. My relatives keep asking me if I am inlove. My few longtime friends hope I finally found someone to spend the rest of my life with. We rarely got any conversation besides love. Everyone at work, if you would ask them what they want for me, will tell you that they can't wait for the day I introduce them a man I will call boyfriend.

I never got a boyfriend before or someone as close as a boyfriend. I fell in love thrice in different guys in my twenty five years of life and each was never the same. I am more mature each time. Can you blame me if they weren't? Some says I should do this thing called fling or hooking up but I don't want to. It wasn't for me. I don't like to waste time dating guys I can never marry.

Come on, my belief that I am boring proved wrong. People love to talk with me. I know things to keep up on any topic preferences. I don't think it's my physical looks either. Some says I'm cute and pretty. I have a stable job. I do think I'm living healthy. Is it me? Is it because it's just not the time yet? Is the one for me have some serious illness or is already dead?

But as odd as I am, I know in my heart that I am not afraid to be single for the years to come. I couldn't imagine myself raising children. Children are expensive. They are yours one day then poof, before you know it, they're gone. They become people you don't know, eventually. I believe it's part of being a parent but that is not something I have knowledge of yet. But I believe love is sacred. I believe that if someone is for you then its for you.  There's this invisible string that connects the two of you and its getting shorter as the days go by. I believe that one day if the two of you finally met, the string is short but tighter until it explodes and form a heart that the two of you will share. It is always a matter of time. I believe in the myth that our soul is divided in two and we spend many years of our life looking for the other half, only when we found the other half could we finally go beyond the happiness of this life. And I believe that there are those that have their soul as one. I like to think mine is created that way. I think I will never marry and have children because life for me, is greater than that. There is more I could do than becoming a wife and a mother. But who knows? Who knows what the days ahead has in store.

A TIME LIKE THAT

It was when the weather is between it would rain and maybe it wouldn't. When you were out under the open sky. When the wind brushing your beauty-creamed face doesn't hurt. When you never mind the sun peeking through the clouds and touching your skin. It was when your mind momentarily forgets all the deadlines and bills. When you know that all the ones you love are okay. When you suddenly believe that you are where you always wanted to be. It was when you look up, take a deep breath and feel an innate feeling that maybe despite all the violence and injustice you heard, watched last night and read in social media, maybe, just maybe there is still so much good, so much kindness and loving in this world. And that is how it is. It is like that before you were born and it will be like that even if you were not around anymore. It is when you suddenly become aware that you are one with the universe. You would know what I mean by then. You would know that it is during those moments, within that fraction of time, is exactly a good time to die.