WRITE IT

Of all the things I've learned to do, I am most thankful that I can write.

Writing is for me, the only thing that keeps me sane in this insane, ever-changing and cruel world. I am so thankful for all the authors I've read, they gave me the freedom to go into the worlds unknown. They taught me fly and slay dragons. They allowed me to have friends and face monsters with them and above all, they let me live a life.

I know I'm too sentimental right now but I just feel so thankful. So thankful that I grow up reading. That I'm known as always-the girl-with-a-book-in-her-hand. I couldn't imagine how some people can go through this lifetime without reading or writing. We are creatures of feelings. And yet we eventually forget how we feel about a certain moment because we are also limited by time. Time is the greatest thief there is. First it fades the emotion, then it steals the details. No matter how beautiful or tragic a moment is, it is always bound to be forgotten. That is why writing is important. We should write down everything that made us happy, sad, and all the emotions in between. Even the times when we don't feel anything at all. We should write our lives in whatever form we choose. Because that is all there is to it. Because writing allows us to live after we die.

EVERYTHING ABOUT ME IS SAD

It's lonely. No matter what I do, it's still lonely. Sometimes, I want to cry hard so that my sadness may be wash out away. Funny isn't it? I feel more real in sadness. There is so much reality in agony than in laughter. The world is so lonely. I am doing what Im doing just so I could pass the time. I feel trapped. Imprisoned in a life I never choose for myself. And even so, I couldn't change it. Choosing the life I always dream for myself would be selfishness. What am I doing? What am I doing watching and reading different series. I just get envious of the characters. I feel like they're more alive than me. They have a life. I don't feel like I have one  They go on adventures. And my loneliness increases everytime I finish one. Why is there that no fiction last forever? Why am I not allowed to grew up with the characters?  "Life is too cruel," says Katherina Petrova. "If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?" But love is fragile. It breaks easily. There are many kinds of love in this world but they are too short-live. Many people fall out of love everyday. And what happens then? What is there after love? It's lonely. I couldn't even believe how lonely I feel right now. Is this the loneliness Kate Spade, Jonghyung and Bordain felt? Is there a way to know when sadness is too much? How can I go on living like this? What is there for me if I ever go on? I am too sad right now.

But I don't want to give up. Not yet. Maybe the only way out of this is through. Maybe tomorrow is a better day. Maybe I'll be able to see things differently if I go on. Maybe I'll be able to write the stories in my head if I continue living despite the loneliness. Believe me, I just want to go on. But it's getting hard everytime.