I just wanted to be like anybody else.
I wanted to look in the sky and appreciate its blue hue, just appreciate it but I look in the sky and think of all the possibilities I can experience if I don't give up. I look up and think that sky is really the limit when it comes to dreams.
I wanted to eat outside like anyone, browse through the social media or listen to music with earphones on my ears, but I look around and notice people. How they came into pairs or groups but I am by myself. I try listening to their chats but its all empty words because I don't personally know them. Sometimes, I go outside; shopping or just walking and I feel compelled not to put earphones on me because I wanted to hear the noise of people around me. There is a fascinating thing about hearing the sound of the murmurs they made.
I wanted to be like my few friends. I wanted to travel around the world from time to time, wear swimsuits and not care about petty things, like money or my skin. I wanted to have a relationship, be committed and raise a family. I wanted to be promoted at work and break free from the back-breaking work I always have. I wanted to spent the weekends and holidays with family and friends instead of caring for others family and friend. But here I am, at the marrying age, pursuing a carreer in law. I couldn't travel because I need money for the tuition fee this and and upcoming semester. I couldn't start a relationship because hello, I can't just walk towards a guy and say "hey, you look absolutely handsome, would you like to date me perhaps?". And I can't quit my job right now because it is very stable. Not to mention all the health hazard I might face in the future but being a nurse in a government hospital is stable.
I know I always write about how I wanted myself to be. I know I always sound like whining of the life I have. But it's hard to understand being different when you get along with people well. When you have people who honestly accepts you for who you are. It's hard to understand dreams when you're born with the priviledge to just walk away from your day job and follow your hearts desire.
I jus wanted to be like anybody else. But there is something fundamentally wrong with me to begin with.
