All my life I have always believed that what you reap is what you sow. You smile to the world and the world will smile to you. Do to others what you want themto do to you.
I have keep those words close to me as I grow older. I have abandon some of the teachings that my parents and teachers taught me but not these golden rules. Everyday I go out in the world, those were the words I have in mind and those were what I use to interact with people. "Treat others fair, and they will treat you fair."
But everyday, the world seems to be doing its best to prove me wrong. It is an unfair world. Cruelty is a just reaction in a cruel this place.
You treat others with kindness just as you want others to treat you but some people just make you feel like you're the worst person they've ever knew existed. Yes, there are these days when people just don't feel like being kind and you have to accept it and understand them because maybe tomorrow they'll feel better and they will say nice things to you but... what about the damage you already received from the other day? What about the insults you already heard because people just feel bad about themselves and it's their way of coping with what they feel? Does everyone like me who still see the world as a good a place despite the fact that evil is here should just sit tight and accept that we are the ones who understand and therefore remain forgiving? I wonder how long would I still be kind after every hurt I received from the people around me. Words are weapons. If the cuts they give were only visible, maybe I'll walk around each day covered in bandages--still smiling like a fool.
The saying that humans can easily forgot that others are human too hasn't struck me hard before as it is now. The world is full of motherfucking bastards who easily forgot that what hurts them can also hurt others. That the same words that can humiliate them can also humiliate others. The world has its way of making you one of its own, and if you're not careful, you will one day wake up believing that you are better than anyone else. You will forget the old sayings about being kind. You will find your heart as cold as a desert at night and before you know it, you are already looking in the mirror and see that the person looking back at you became the person you once hated most.
But there is hope for us.
We can remain the person we want to be by always, always being who we are. Treat others like you want them to treat you. Be fair with no exception but keep in mind that this world isn't and never expect it to be. Forgive them. Every day, wake up, breath deeply and tell yourself that strength and power isn't measured by how high you are above others but how you remain true to who you are after all the cuts you received from every fucking assholes you encounter yesterday. Be gentle, Believe in all things good. Make the world a better place. Yes, no one will build a statue for you, give you an Oscar's for being the kindest person ever walk this earth or cannonize you and name you a saint, but at least, you will die yourself. The world and its people will fail making you one of its own. You will die with a smile in your face knowing that you defeated the world. And I guess there is no way of dying I will wish other than that.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
RE:THE ORIGINALS CAMI'S DEATH
Of all the death scenes I've read and watched in my entire fangirl life, Camille O' Conell (Cami)--a main character in The Originals series, has the most realistic, heart wrenching and unforgettable death of them all. The 5 minutes scene of her captures me so intensely that I feel like I have to analyze and write it down so this emotion she made me feel will not be in vain.
Cami was actually one of my favorite character in the Originals. She was a human from the start, constantly believing that the world is not an awful place despite being hurt by others and witnessing instances when people continue to use people for their own good. She believes in life, in goodness and in the need of everyone to have their own choice. Then she bacame a vampire (she despised this the most because it rob her of her ability to die on her own).
She showed some I've-changed moments but deep inside, she triumphs in being true to herself. Then came the enemy of the love of her life (Niklaus Mikaelson). This was the turning point as she becomes a casualty of the Mikaelson's war.
Excerpt. The Originals Season 3 Episode 19.
Klaus: Some demons will not be tamed.
Cami: Maybe we should do the best we can and never give up. (Almost fainting) I'm tired.
Klaus: Camille...
Klaus: It's funny, I know we're so different... I feel like I've always known you. Maybe its because I've been in your mind, or maybe that's just how you know you love someone.
Klaus: I do love you, you know.
Cami: I thought you're gonna tell me that tomorrow. I really don't have another tomorrow do I? Then why is the people, will you make them go away?
Klaus: Your heart is slowing, but it still beats, you're fighting, because you want to live.
Cami: I wanted to be brave. I want to handle this with dignity, but i can't, I don't want to go, I'm so scared.
Klaus: I'm here, I'm here.
Cami: So much for the brave bartender huh. When I said I was ready to die I was so full of it. Oh, I just wish I had done more than serve a few drinks and... completely use of your therapist,
Klaus: Don't you think for a moment that you failed me. You stayed my hand, quelled my rage, you inspired goodness in me and unlike all of the souls I encountered and forgotten in the long march of time, I will carry you with me.
Cami: Guess that makes me immortal.
Cami: Do you know the bible verse when John's head was struck?
Klaus: The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.
Cami: I was never naive enough to believe that I was your light, but there's light in you. All the cycle of abuse that Mikael began, you can end it. You have to. So you can be the light for your little girl. For Hope.
Klaus: Do not be afraid. You go now, while many have gone before you and even I will go in time, just now there will be no more pain, no more heartbreak. You, will find peace.
It was so real I cried many times as I replayed it. And it was so ideal I wish my death will be like this.
Ideal? Maybe because although I believe death is something we must all face alone, we need someone by our side during our final hour. Someone who will kiss us goodbye. Someone who will be brave for us when we finally forgot what bravery and courage means.
Cami was so honest when she said that she already made her peace with dying and that she wanted to be brave, but she was so scared. We always say that we are not adraid to die. I wonder what kind of fear will I experience in the face of death and I guess its not dying itself we are really afraid of. Cami admits that she wish she could have done more and I realize that that was the very thing we fear. We fear that we have not done enough with our lives. We fear to realize that we wasted it. We fear that there is so much to do and we will not be able to do it anymore. We silently beg for more years but we know there is no more years. I think that is really scary. But Klaus assured her, saying she had not for once failed him and he reminded her of the things she had done. We will all need someone like that, will we? Someone who will remind us of how great we are, how much our lives occupied the lives of the people who meant the world to us and even the small wonderful things about us, things we can easily forgot during the worst times. And finally, someone who will promise us that we will not be forgotten. "...and unlike all the souls I encountered and forgotten in the long march of time, I will carry you with me." Oh sweet heavens, is that what we all want? Isn't oblivion the scariest thing there is? Isn't the thought of being forgotten what makes death not a topic you would discuss with your friends? But in that scene, Klaus promising that he will never forget was what comforts Cami. She settles in the thought that there was nothing to be afraid of. She will die in the arms of the man she loved. If that isn't the sweetest thing, I don't know what is.
Cami's last moment was her turn to remind Klaus that there is light in him and that he should be the light for his daughter. I imagine my death. I hope that when it comes, I will be able to tell the people I love to keep on living. To live and be the guiding life to others. And that we will meet again. If we can still be who we are in the afterlife, I hope we will meet again.
This scene is so beautiful, I'm in tears as I ponder on this.
I never think death as a topic I should keep silent about. Some say that death is the end of life, that there is nothing in it but darkness. I always think otherwise. I've witness far more deaths in my profession than an average person is allowed, and you know what it taught me? Every death is unique and meaningful. It screams silently but oddly you can hear it well. It's trying to say a thousand words at the same time and you can understand it well. Death would come for us sooner or later and it's something we should look forward to. Its only in knowing that we will eventually die that I believe we can really live a life.
I don't want to forget how this one fictional scene made me feel. And I am happy. I am happy that I am a girl I can be proud of. Yes, I am living between the pages of the books I read, in the scenes I watched and inside the world I've written. Fiction is more real to me than this world. And I am not ashame of it.
Cami was actually one of my favorite character in the Originals. She was a human from the start, constantly believing that the world is not an awful place despite being hurt by others and witnessing instances when people continue to use people for their own good. She believes in life, in goodness and in the need of everyone to have their own choice. Then she bacame a vampire (she despised this the most because it rob her of her ability to die on her own).
She showed some I've-changed moments but deep inside, she triumphs in being true to herself. Then came the enemy of the love of her life (Niklaus Mikaelson). This was the turning point as she becomes a casualty of the Mikaelson's war.
Excerpt. The Originals Season 3 Episode 19.
Klaus: Some demons will not be tamed.
Cami: Maybe we should do the best we can and never give up. (Almost fainting) I'm tired.
Klaus: Camille...
Klaus: It's funny, I know we're so different... I feel like I've always known you. Maybe its because I've been in your mind, or maybe that's just how you know you love someone.
Klaus: I do love you, you know.
Cami: I thought you're gonna tell me that tomorrow. I really don't have another tomorrow do I? Then why is the people, will you make them go away?
Klaus: Your heart is slowing, but it still beats, you're fighting, because you want to live.
Cami: I wanted to be brave. I want to handle this with dignity, but i can't, I don't want to go, I'm so scared.
Klaus: I'm here, I'm here.
Cami: So much for the brave bartender huh. When I said I was ready to die I was so full of it. Oh, I just wish I had done more than serve a few drinks and... completely use of your therapist,
Klaus: Don't you think for a moment that you failed me. You stayed my hand, quelled my rage, you inspired goodness in me and unlike all of the souls I encountered and forgotten in the long march of time, I will carry you with me.
Cami: Guess that makes me immortal.
Cami: Do you know the bible verse when John's head was struck?
Klaus: The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.
Cami: I was never naive enough to believe that I was your light, but there's light in you. All the cycle of abuse that Mikael began, you can end it. You have to. So you can be the light for your little girl. For Hope.
Klaus: Do not be afraid. You go now, while many have gone before you and even I will go in time, just now there will be no more pain, no more heartbreak. You, will find peace.
It was so real I cried many times as I replayed it. And it was so ideal I wish my death will be like this.
Ideal? Maybe because although I believe death is something we must all face alone, we need someone by our side during our final hour. Someone who will kiss us goodbye. Someone who will be brave for us when we finally forgot what bravery and courage means.
Cami was so honest when she said that she already made her peace with dying and that she wanted to be brave, but she was so scared. We always say that we are not adraid to die. I wonder what kind of fear will I experience in the face of death and I guess its not dying itself we are really afraid of. Cami admits that she wish she could have done more and I realize that that was the very thing we fear. We fear that we have not done enough with our lives. We fear to realize that we wasted it. We fear that there is so much to do and we will not be able to do it anymore. We silently beg for more years but we know there is no more years. I think that is really scary. But Klaus assured her, saying she had not for once failed him and he reminded her of the things she had done. We will all need someone like that, will we? Someone who will remind us of how great we are, how much our lives occupied the lives of the people who meant the world to us and even the small wonderful things about us, things we can easily forgot during the worst times. And finally, someone who will promise us that we will not be forgotten. "...and unlike all the souls I encountered and forgotten in the long march of time, I will carry you with me." Oh sweet heavens, is that what we all want? Isn't oblivion the scariest thing there is? Isn't the thought of being forgotten what makes death not a topic you would discuss with your friends? But in that scene, Klaus promising that he will never forget was what comforts Cami. She settles in the thought that there was nothing to be afraid of. She will die in the arms of the man she loved. If that isn't the sweetest thing, I don't know what is.
Cami's last moment was her turn to remind Klaus that there is light in him and that he should be the light for his daughter. I imagine my death. I hope that when it comes, I will be able to tell the people I love to keep on living. To live and be the guiding life to others. And that we will meet again. If we can still be who we are in the afterlife, I hope we will meet again.
This scene is so beautiful, I'm in tears as I ponder on this.
I never think death as a topic I should keep silent about. Some say that death is the end of life, that there is nothing in it but darkness. I always think otherwise. I've witness far more deaths in my profession than an average person is allowed, and you know what it taught me? Every death is unique and meaningful. It screams silently but oddly you can hear it well. It's trying to say a thousand words at the same time and you can understand it well. Death would come for us sooner or later and it's something we should look forward to. Its only in knowing that we will eventually die that I believe we can really live a life.
I don't want to forget how this one fictional scene made me feel. And I am happy. I am happy that I am a girl I can be proud of. Yes, I am living between the pages of the books I read, in the scenes I watched and inside the world I've written. Fiction is more real to me than this world. And I am not ashame of it.
CHILD'S NIGHT
The night in our home is still the night I always have ever since I knew that the world is a revolving piece of land and water. I can hear the soft murmurs of the still-awake neighbors. I can hear the beating of my heart--loud and clear as if it wants to leave my chest and beats in a different body. Sometimes, I think that no matter how much you gain from the world, how much salary you acquire in your pocket or how many titles that's been added to your name, a home will always be a place where you're just you. You're just that five year old kid who wants to sleep and rest. You are nothing in your own home. And yet you are everything you could ever be.
Every now and then, I think it's vital that we should always take time to go back home. It is a special time to be who we are. And we are what we are in silence. We are what we are when no one's watching. When we can lie in our bed and listen to our heart and search our own thoughts. Once in a while, it is healthy to shut up and listen to the silence of our own being, so that we may find what it is that we're looking for.
Every now and then, I think it's vital that we should always take time to go back home. It is a special time to be who we are. And we are what we are in silence. We are what we are when no one's watching. When we can lie in our bed and listen to our heart and search our own thoughts. Once in a while, it is healthy to shut up and listen to the silence of our own being, so that we may find what it is that we're looking for.
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