LEFT BEHIND

The Reasons I gave up

I have told you I like you but the truth is that I told myself that I love you.

You're angry with me. Not only because I cut all our ties but because I gave up on you easily. I let you go after seeing that picture of you with another girl and hearing rumors. I didn't even asked for your explanation. I didn't even said goodbye.

You're one of the good things that happened to me this year.

You're maybe stupid, careless, immature and all but I don't care. You know I don't care. I love you and I thought that with you we can be better persons. You and I, together. How many times did you waste my time? How many times did you say you wouln't do what I don't want you to do but do it anyway after? Do you remember the things I brushed off because you're stubborn and doesn't know how to ask for forgiveness? Despite all, I have forgiven you over and over because that's how I know how to love. That's how people who loves me do. That's how I believe love is.

But I despise people who promises things they didn't mean. It was one of your quality that I couldn't trust. And trust in love is everything. Tell me now love, what happened to you after promising me that I'll be the one? What happened after the night you held my hand tight and swear that you're going to love me from here and now? How in the world could you just... just forget that? How could you touch my soul and leave me behind... as easy, as simple like that? You didn't even try to prove yourself. You didn't ask if I'm hurt. You just left me asking the universe why. As if I don't amount to anything. As if I'm not worthy to stay. Despensable. Ordinary. Like I can be replace just... just like that.

Maybe you never love me at all.

Maybe I was just deluding myself that our feelings are mutual. Maybe you were trying to tell me that you're sorry you made me feel special and you're about to leave me all these times but I failed to listen. I failed to notice the hints. Its just not right. I am not the right person for you. I thought I am. For heaven's sake, I thought I am.

But this will be the last piece I'm going to write for you. I have to keep moving. No matter what I have to move and keep living. I owe stories for my little sister. We will one day meet again and I have to tell her all the things I did with my life. I will tell her how you broke my heart and then I have to tell her what I become after you did and I wish its all for the better. This will be the last piece that will be about you and I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy. Separately.