BESTFRIENDS

Friends. Everyone has friends. Even me.

When I was in highschool, I have this two girls with me. We eat together, share things and secrets with each other and spend a lot of time in each others' company. We were bestfriends. When we graduated I remind them that we must always find time to catch up since we were about to take up different courses. We manage finding time, but as years goes by, things change. We rarely see each other and when we do plan to, several things would keep us from going. Studies. Works. Family matters.
I manage to again meet two girls during my college years. I loved them. They were my confidante. We spent almost ten hours a day for six days a week in school and hospital duties-- studying, making thesis together, sharing stories that doesn't seem to end and being with each other at times of great adversities (e.g make-up duty, failed thesis proposal). When we graduated, things change.
I, for the third time, manage again to be together with another two girls. They were my classmates in college and because we attend the same review center, we became close. But I began to notice somehow that things are going to be like a pathophysiologic diagram. Like the friends I had in highschool and college, they soon change. In the end, Im left behind. They had became bestfriends forever and Im left by myself. The problem is this-- why is that Im left alone while they still manage to be together through time? Why am I the one to get labeled as the one who forgot when I used to send text messages of "hi. i miss you" every week? Maybe its because I was the outcast. When an activity required a pair, Im the one whose got to find someone else. My place is far from them, so they've got the chance to spend more time with each other without me. Maybe, I talk to much about the books I've read and not accessories, boys, clothes and bag. They all say I've been thinking too much. It can also be that they want me to have so much emotions as to shout when i get excited or cry in front of them when Im hurt-- which I do best when im alone. Maybe Im not the bestfriend type.

Its sad, really, not having anyone to stay with me as years of my mortal life goes by. I do think Im a good friend, as they said. I do remember special days: Valentine's, birthdays, Christmas (although im someone who needs to be reminded of my birthday tomorrow). I  have ears ready to listen and shoulders to cry on. I know exactly when to shut up. When to say words of flattery, critism and encouragement as situations arise. Despite the deadlines of paperworks, I always make sure I had time to do memories. I never demand anything. I don't really understand why in the end, Im always left alone.

I am different. I know that.

As Im looking outside of our house today, Im apt to think that someday I may be able form a relationship, one that would not be bounded by differences and time. But suddenly, Im reminded that things do end. My hope diminished as all the heartache I've endure trying to be like someone else, someone that would fit, surfaces. And I know more that for the third time around, I learned my lessons now.