INSOMNIA

I had this nightmare bothering me for three days now, making me not wanting to get some sleep. It's about a news I've watched on a local channel probably a year ago. The content was mainly police brutality. I remember being bothered by it for one week. Its so brutal I never imagine that a person can really have such capacity to hurt others with his bare hands. Then yesterday, I had this professor in a review center told us the story of one of his patient's experiences being a three-timed raped victim and how she decide one day that she's not capable of living anymore thus, end up taking her own life. He even advises us that we should always be vigilant because the world is full of evil creature no one got an immunity for.

Growing up and exploring different places other than my hometown, I am gradually becoming aware of how such dreadful place the world really is. Well, I remember viewing this world as a safe place to live, paradise perhaps with people that were good and if they're not, they always try to be one. Somehow, through the ever growing media and internet, I've been exposed to the world's unfairness and cruelty by witnessing evil in different forms making me want to hate everything. Still, there were moments of absolute insanity when I keep finding myself wanting to believe that maybe people are not that evil at all.

We all have our own demons, aren't we? Some we can control. Hide inside. Deny. Even cherish. But few we allow to have a control over us. We do that, for the sake of believing that those demons knows what best for us to survive. That's what people around me learned: in order to survive you should be the smartest and the strongest. After all, the top of the pyramid was crowded now, there's no space for weaklings. Those demons we cherish are sometimes beneficial. Writers, painters, musician and novelist are aware they have them under control ergo, giving us pieces of literature that is able to transcend time. Others, those who we let go wild gives mankind nothing but pure suffering. I wonder what causes them to do evil things, to be cruel, heartless and at the same time believe that its necessary.

It came up to me this night my own answers of why good people end up becoming evil. Maybe something happens to them that causes them to break. Some heartache forces them to rely on their demons to have them fixed. Maybe they don't want to do things like that but something inside of them had became so hard and their cruelty wins over mercy.