LOVE MONTH

Its February. February has a 14th day. I think every people living right now on earth does know what's in with February 14. *smiles* Its Valentines day and every one around me are so excited (well, as usual, except me).

I never celebrates February 14th. Never wanted to. Not that I don't get any dinner invitation from guys (I do, actually) but because I feel awkward being alone with someone who thinks of me in a certain way (you know what I mean). Let me give you an insight.

I remember going on a lunch date one time. I had been with this guy whom I met because of my friends. I had agreed on that because I want to experience going with someone and because I find him physically attractive too. I remember browsing the internet two days before that just to educate myself on how to dress, act and speak on a date. On the very day of that lunch date, I prepared myself having in mind that date is getting to know the person more and one advice necessary is that you have to "just be yourself". Uugghh! How I've done everything I've learned but end up in a total mess. I try talking and being myself like:

Guy: So, aside from studying what else are you doing this days?
Me: Hmm. Im into reading Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code lately. Its good. I can lend you that sometime. Do you read?
Guy: No. I don't even read my school books. Whenever I try, I end up having a headache, but thanks.
Me: Ah. Okay. Hmm. Aside from reading, Im into astronomy. Im fascinated about the cassiopeai. How many constellation do you know?
Guy: I don't know any. By the way, have you already watch Saw 7? they say its the ending of Saw movies.
Me: I don't watch cannibalistic movies. Im sorry.
Guy: Its not cannibal. How about The Walking Dead?
Me: The last time I've watched zombie movie, I have not eaten any kinds of meat for a week.
Guy: Its not that disgusting. It has a good story. Its about..... you have to watch it for you to get it.
Me: Ahh.
(silence)

And that goes like that. Im being myself but its clear that were not compatible. He is good looking but I need more than that of course.

That's when I promise to myself not to go on a date again. Until now, I never accepted any lunch or dinner dates from any of my boy friends who wants to try the next level of friendship with me. Exception would be Joseph Morgan, Logan Lerman and Augustus Waters.

I do not have any intention of marrying someone. Not because Im a man hater, something like that, but because I do not see myself being with a guy that doesn't share the same weirdness that I have. I do not believe in opposites attract each other thing. It just couldn't be for a girl with an old soul like me.

The male species. I hate certain things about them based on my experiences with some. I hate being stare like Im some kind of girl waiting to have someone who will take me in bed. I hate it when they want to carry my bag or treat me to some meal and expect me to return the favor. Im not a sexist. Im very independent and I do not like them making me feel uncapable in small things such as carrying my own bag. I hate it when they try to hold your hand or hug you without asking first if its okay.

But, I believe in love. I believe that one day I'll be able to meet my Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen). I believe that someone out there is destine to fill and continue my thoughts about what if e is not really equals to mc squared. *giggles* I believe that he can shatter my sanity and yet keep it because he finds it amazing. He will know that I am not my past but my dreams and I will share to him the dreams I want to fulfill and leave behind. I believe that there's someone out there who finds the cruelty and unfairness of the world and yet believe that it is still a beautiful place to spend a lifetime. I believe in love. I believe that it has no boundaries, no time and no reasons. When that happens, when I finally have him, I'll then show you, fairy tales are real.