A month ago, I was just anticipating a family friend's wedding. I've never attended a wedding before and this event really excites me because me and my sister will be on the entourage. Everything happened fast. I've gone from anticipating to preparing, to being right there to witness two hearts getting weave as one.
The whole day was magical. Relatives from my mother's hometown came. I wore that elegant apple green cocktail dress. The pictures were taken. The couple exchanged their vows like those romantic ones I thought I will only watched in movies. I love the place. The calm breeze brushing on my cheeks and the peacefulness of the woods from afar. My... if only I could freeze time and live in that moment forever.
And then the night came. Along with it, is the end of the event. The couple was now husband and wife. People who attended went back home. Tomorrow, everything will resume. I have to go back work my ass and try to live my life. Again.
.
.
.
As each day passed, I am slowly realizing how time changes things--- as in really changes things. I'm old enough to contemplate my own mortality and I know this sounds too weird but... I know and I feel that I amstartkng to die little by little each day. There are things I now couldn't do the way I do them when I was sixteen. I feel tired more often. And my first times are now being used up. There are more white hair in my parents' head than they have before. Little kids from the neighborhood began going to school. My highschool friends are now either getting married or having a baby and I'm starting to drift away from home. The way adults are supposed to when they become adults. Things are changing. I am becoming how I imagine I will become back to the days when all my worries just consists of how will my crush notice me. I feel old. Things around me starts to age and I'm starting to age. Patients are dying. The time is passing. The hands of the clock ticking.
It hurts. Maybe because I'm noticing things. Maybe because I'm aware that time goes by. Because I know that time is cruel and that it wouldn't wait for anyone and because I know that I wouldn't be able to hold a single thing forever. Not even the ones I love. Nor the things I created. When I think about it, I see that there's really nothing in this world that I could hold to... everything will either get destroyed or forgotten. Everything... at the end of it all, will be eaten up by oblivion.
I wonder if it will be different if I will be able to live forever. What life does immortality offers? How would it be if my body will never grow old and my heart wouldn't stop beating?
Alot of screenwriters tend to convey that there's no meaning in forever. That because we're humans, and that we're doomed, everything becomes beautiful. That the gods envy us because we're not in their position to endure eternity. We appreciate the people we love because we're aware that time changes things, even feelings. We know how to treasure moments because as mortals, we know that each seconds is a gift we could never get back once it passed by. We have meaning because we know we'll eventually die.
But what meaning is there in having everything you have taken away from you. What is there in risking your heart to love someone when you know you couldn't have that person from here beyond? Why should we live in the present when all that we are is everything thay happened to us in the past?
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us..." (Lord of the Ring)
Yeah. Seasons die afer another.
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