She stirred up just before the sun rose and envelopes that part of the earth. She looks around the bed which she shares with her parents and two siblings. She was five then and her mother was nowhere to be found. "She's gone to work now", she reasoned to herself. Suffering from a childhood separation anxiety, she comforts herself by believing that her mother will be back as soon as her work was complete. She felt herself crying but if she do her sister would stir up and cry also. "I must be brave", she encourages herself.
And so it goes.
She was in her twenties now. No separation anxiety to be worried about, or so she thinks. But why now? She have watched friends come and go. She knew how her grandparents had gone from being the ones larger than life until sickness strike their tired bodies making them take a rest forever. She knew now that people can suddenly go without saying goodbye. So why now is she experiencing extreme nostalgia? Why is she experiencing this strange loneliness as if she was faraway from home and her people.
She had grown up. Yes, but maybe the repressed feelings of that dawn when she didn't let herself feel the anxiety brought by her mother's absence had become overflowing thus her subconcious mind tries to lessen it by making her feel now.
Is she dying?
No.
"I must be brave", she told herself. "It comes and goes but what's important now is your feelings. Feel, my child self. Feel so you will be free."
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