ALONE, RARE LONELY

Here I am, at the Starbucks Coffee, the clock reads 03:26pm. Just by myself, with a french vanilla latte frapuccino recommended by a friend who works here, a strawberry glazed belgian waffle and my laptop in front, in which my unedited manuscript was saved, the Microsoft Word cursor blinking waiting for my mind to settle and type a damn word that can be of use.

Ugggh!

I came here to write because I cannot seem to quiet my mind at home since the internet connection feels like dragging me into different worlds everytime. *laughs*. Somehow, I think Im really getting used to this solitary stuff. I am eating and strolling alone outside this pass years, observing people, hearing murmurs their voices creates but not undesranding a word and talking to myself on my head. I did not find it bothering nor did I feel lonely. Im just getting really used to this that possibly when someone invited me to tag along, I will seem rather uncomfortable.

The art of solitude. It suits me in all aspects. I have come to learn the difference of being alone and being lonely.

Alone? I am always alone. No matter where I go and no matter how many people I come to know, at the end of the day, I am always alone. People around me never gave me a chance to rely on them. I don't hate it, I am but thankful because in my aloneness, I found and befriended myself.

Lonely? sometimes. Im quite irritated that no one even bothers to educate me before that loneliness also felt like fear. My lonely days in the past makes me dread the upcoming night and in some way, the breaking dawn. Knowing that you don't have anyone to talk to (freely, pouring your heart out), but when you do you never felt understood, is terrifying.

I am always this strange so it doesn't surprise me at all when people always concluded that Im someone friendly but not a friend at all. Yes I have walls, but sometimes, I too long for someone to listen to my stories but its like Im not deserving for anybody.

Its depressing.

All these people around me here have someone to confide with and here I am without anyone. Its much strange that I am happy. If you thinks Im not, I should tell you I am really glad and satisfied with this arrangement of the universe. There are just people like me who are destined to live like this. I don't know.... but there is an absolute happiness in being alone. :)