I am having separation anxiety for three days now. Its weird. Im old enough to experience such and yet my mind keeps playing things Im supposed to have forgotten already. I was thinking that the reason for this is that unconciously, I am missing the busy world Im into for the last two months. The workaholics. The night life. The noisy jeepneys and even the anxious piles of people who keeps looking at their wrist-watches and patiently waiting for any kind of transportation that will bring them home. I am probably missing the examinations--those nasty bunch of papers that challenges me and the hundreds of topics and concepts I need to put up in my brain storage in a matter of hours. Or maybe its the classroom where I'd been to, filled with bunch of strangers that have their own stories to tell. Yes, I am having a separation anxiety and I find it very amusing.
Amusing in a sense that I realizes my new capacity of wanting to be in a crowd. Its an emotion I knew I don't have. Why would I? Im an introvert who always seeks my ME-time. But a thought suddenly occurs into me, maybe all these weird stuff is not because of the reasons I've mentioned. Its clear to me now. Its the time of the year I hated most. The wind blows colder and the night, longer than daylight. This is the time of the year when I cannot escape the fact that happened two years ago. When that days come, I have to remember things again and worse I may find myself in that very day, two years ago and feel the feelings I try to forget in so many ways. No matter what, I know I must begin to slip into stoicism. I cannot allow memories to surface, for when it does I fear that I may never know how to stop.
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